I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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