I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
