Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
