So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
