I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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