So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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