Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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