By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
