Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
