the new term for farting is butt boxing.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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