I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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