the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
