I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
