I wish I could punch you in the face.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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