I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
