Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
