Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
