He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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