i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
