What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize