So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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