I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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