Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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