I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
