my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
