How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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