Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
