Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
