why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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