where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
