If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
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