drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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