Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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