capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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