their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Randomize