apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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