I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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