I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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