I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Randomize
