no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
