I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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