I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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