Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I said "one day" and that day is not today
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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