Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
