Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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