omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize