Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
