Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
