I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
You're earring is so big in my mouth
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
