nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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