I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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