and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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