So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Randomize
