Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
