I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
