Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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