I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
