you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
