Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
