Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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