I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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