Your face is a jimmy john
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
