You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize