Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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