Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
