so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
