There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
