he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
